Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Warlords of Draenor: 6.0 Patch Note Preview

Warlords of Draenor

So, today I found that Blizzard released the official patch notes for WoW: WoD 6.0. The patch notes are related to the first changes users will experience when entering the game, such as class changes, items, quests, pet battles, and more.

Here are some that you should consider more relevant:


  • To prevent confusion over whether you’re playing a card game or returning to town, the Hearthstone will now be called a Homerock.
  • To encourage exploration of the world all Flightmasters are now Walkmasters.
    • Walkmasters provide a guided tour of the world, giving out small bits of trivia for the area you’re in as they walk alongside you to your destination. If they walk slower than you’d like, just use your Homerock.
  • Daytime in the world of Azeroth is now 50% brighter, and comparatively nighttime will now appear darker.
  • Dogecoin is now accepted as a form of payment, but no one really knows how it works.


Death Knight

  • Threat of Thassarian tooltip changed to explain who the hell Thassarian is.
  • Using Death Grip on something larger than your character will cause you to be pulled toward the creature instead of the creature being pulled toward you. Gnomes should just probably not be Death Knights.

  • To equalize utility between classes we have removed the Druid’s fifth spec.
  • Chatting while in Cat Form will now be presented with poor spelling, in all caps, using the Impact font.
  • Druids in Bear Form now receive a bonus to Fishing.

  • For safety, all Hunters must now wear bright orange vests at all times.
  • Aspect of the Hawk now provides a 30% bonus to Attack Power, up from 25%.
  • Aspect of the Pack has been renamed to Aspect of the Doge. Many daze, much anger, so mystery, wow!

  • To make playing a Mage more enjoyable, players who use the words “tray,” “food,” “drink,” “table,” “snack,” “mage,” or “pls” in Raid, Party, Battleground, Say, Yell, General, or Trade channels within a Mage’s hearing are killed instantly.
  • New Ability: Polymorph Polymorphism, transforms the enemy into a slightly different version of themselves.
  • Time Warp now requires just a jump to the left.

  • Due to ratings concerns, all references to “brew” have been replaced with “giggle juice.”
  • The amount healed by Healing Sphere has been increased by 1000%, because RUN OVER THE HEALING SPHERES.
  • Blackout Kick now causes the victim to wake up the next day and question their life choices.

  • Turn Evil can now be cast on players and NPCs. When used, it applies a small dark goatee and causes them to constantly explain their diabolical plans while steepling their fingers.  
  • Eternal Flame now correctly sets the targeted player on fire, forever.
  • If Diablo III: Reaper of Souls is installed, Paladin characters will stare longingly over a fence at the Crusader, and then look away and pretend to be picking their nails if the Crusader notices.

  • Shadow Priests have been retuned to be almost as good as Warlocks in every way. Almost.
  • Chakra, when the walls fell.
  • Vampiric Embrace now calls upon a glittery vampire to hold you and tell you he will always protect you, Bella.
  • New Spell: Holy Diver. Sends the caster down too long in the Midnight Sea.

  • Rogue specializations have been renamed to better encapsulate the skills and gameplay they represent.
    • Assassination is now known as “Stabby”
    • Combat is now known as “Pokey”
    • Subtlety is now known as “Shanky”
  • To help resolve spelling issues once and for all, Rogues have been renamed to Blush.
  • Blush can once again use Bucklers!
  • Blush no longer have access to the ability Swash, but at least they can still Buckle.

  • Rockbiter Totem now transforms the Shaman into a large stone elemental that cannot save their friends, despite having such big, strong hands.
  • The talent Rushing Streams now also really makes you have to pee.
  • Casting Unleash Flame will now ignite your Healing Rain spell, setting fire to it.
  • We give up. Shaman is now spelled “Shawmun.”

  • All spells and abilities have been significantly revamped. Again. You’ll figure it out.
  • Warlocks are now overpowered. This will be addressed in a future expansion.
  • Riding Felsteeds single file into battle will no longer hide Warlock numbers.

  • Warriors have been nerfed because reasons.
  • Charge no longer stuns a target, and instead roots them for 1.5 seconds.
  • Charge no longer roots a target, and instead stuns them for 1.5 seconds.
  • Intervene can now be used when your one friend gets out of hand at the bar again because he can NOT go back to County.
  • Charge no longer roots or stuns a target, and instead Polymorphs them for 1.5 seconds.
  • Shockwave is now aGlyph of Rude Interruption is here too! How’s it going? Just wanted to say hey.
  • Charge is now a passive effect.
  • You know what? Charge has been removed from the game. OK? Great job. We hope you’re happy.
  • The Protection passive Ultimatum just isn’t going to put up with it anymore. It’s either me or her, Jerry!


Anyway, there are tons of these, and you should read them all.


  • All ducks can now drop items.
  • Crabs have been removed from the game... because if I see another one I’m just going to totally lose it. *sobbing* I’m sorry, I just can’t right now... I just... OK just give me a minute, I’ll be OK.

I don’t care what people say about WoW, the company and staff members have an amazing sense of humor and that’s why people keeps playing it.


Also, the new Female Draenei model is out, go check it out.

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